St. Pats Day and a new job

I've just started a new job and again it's St. Patrick’s Day.

So it reminded me of a time I started a new job the day after St. Patrick's day. I really think there should be a law that if you are more than ½ Irish you should not have to start your first day of work the day after St. Patrick's Day.

I think it was about 1990, I was 21 years old and living in a cool old house on the East Side of Milwaukee with about 16 roommates. It was a weird life, but I am weird. So it worked out fine.

I had just dropped out of school (again) and I need a job. I had a degree in Horticulture so I decided to get a job working for a landscaping company. I found one with little difficulty and they hired me after a few short interviews. Then they told me my starting date and I was ready to go.

The trouble was the starting date turned out to be the day after St. Patrick's Day. I had told my roommates that I needed to be responsible and that I was NOT going out to get wasted the night before I started my new job. I decided to drive to the bar and have a couple of drinks and some corned beef. Then go home at a sensible hour in order to get a good night sleep. After all I needed to be in top form in order to make a good impression.

Some where around the 3^rd of 4^th pitcher of green beer I kind of forgot about the new job. I was having a great time with some redheaded chick and I was feeling no pain. We were doing shots of Jamo and drinking a ton of beer. If I remember right there was a Ska band playing.

I don't really remember driving home, but my alarm woke me up at 5 am. I was like, “why the hell is that thing going off?” so I looked at my alarm and there was a note scrawled in womanish handwriting that said, “good luck at your new job today! I had a great time getting to know you Steve”... I looked around and was happy to see there was no “Steve” in the bed with me.

I crawled my hungover ass out of the bed and into our filthy shower (you actually felt dirtier after getting out) and shaved the hangover off my tongue. Then got ready for my first day of work.

I walked out to my car and found it parked pretty well, right out front. So I was kinda proud of that. I hoped in and turned the key... Nothing. Seems some drunkass left the lights on all night and the battery was dead.

So panic sets in. How the hell am I going to get to work??

I ran back inside and woke up my very pissed and equally hungover roommate and asked if I could possibly borrow his car. His dad had just passed away and he had inherited this huge Delta 98. I knew he had no place to go and would still be asleep when I got home that afternoon. I convinced him that I would be super careful and he just wanted me to shut up and go away. So he gave me the keys.

As I am leaving my friend Polock wakes up and says “Dude, can you give me a ride to my folks house?” I was going to say no... But the karma of Bali giving me the car made me say “Sure man”...

So he grabbed his stuff and we walked out the door to the Delta 98. We got in and I was not feeling great. Plus I was in a big freaking car I had never driven before. It was a little odd. But Polock and I drove up to his folks house, which was kind of on the way.

But I was now running REALLY late for my first day of work. So after dropping off the Lock, I hopped on Good Hope Rd. and sped towards Hwy 45.

On the intersection of 91^st and Good Hope I came up on two Semi trucks in the center and left lane. Yet the light was green. Plus I was doing about 50 mph. So I got into the right hand lane and sped towards the intersection. At the moment of passing the truck I noticed why they had stopped. There was another semi truck crossing the intersection against the red light.

I attempted to stop, I even attempted to slam the car into reverse. Nonetheless, I slammed into the back tires of the truck and came to a complete stop.

I hopped out and looked at the damage. The truck driver soon joined me. He had a WTF? expression on his face, which is to be expected considering I had just slammed into the back of his rig. As it turned out there was very little if any damage to the truck. Which was cool. What was not cool was the fact that Bali's car was pretty smashed up.

I told the truck driver that I was running really late for my first day of work and he looked over the damage. He said, “kid, don't worry about it. There is no damage to my truck. Your car is fucked, but I'm fine. If you have to take off go ahead”. So I picked up the bumper and a few chunks of Bali's car and took off.

I then was running REALLY LATE. So I sped towards the freeway. Once on 45 north I picked up speed I was doing about 80 mph when I noticed the flashing red and blue lights in the rear-view mirror. I swore at the top of my lungs as I pulled over.

The cop approached the car and asked if I was in a hurry. I calmly explained, “I actually am in a hurry, I am running late for my first day of work and I was totally speeding”. He kind of looked at me and said “I tell ya what, I will follow you to your job so you can explain that you have been pulled over and we can take care of the speeding ticket when we get there”. Which seemed kind of reasonable.

So I drove off with the cop in tow. I got off the freeway and drove to the office of my new job. It was not a super job, I had been hired as a landscape supervisor for a very big landscape company north of Milwaukee. Once in the parking lot I gestured to the cop and quickly ran into the office to inform them that I was getting a speeding ticket.

Then I walked back out to face the music about my speeding ticket. As I approached the police car his attitude seemed to change. He said, “this car matches the description of a car that left the scene of an accident on 91^st and Good Hope”.

I agreed and said, “Yup, that was me. I hit the back of a truck. But there was no damage to the truck and the driver said I could leave. I explained to him that I was running late for my first day of work. He said it was ok if I left.

The cop was standing right next to me now and he said, “well kid, it's not ok to leave the scene of an accident. Plus your car seems pretty banged up”.

So I told him it's not my car, but my friends Father's car and that I had permission to drive it. Plus I would be taking care of the repairs.

Around this time I looked towards the office of my new employer and noticed a few people peeking out towards the spectacle taking place in the parking lot.

It was at this time that the cop said, “Plus, you kind of smell like alcohol”.

I calmly explained that I had been out drinking the night before celebrating St. Pats day and that I was a little hungover. He asked what time I got home the night before and I said I wasn't really sure.

He proceeded to say, “kid, we are going to have to conduct a sobriety test because I could still be drunk”. As he said this I could see more eyes from the office looking into the parking lot. So I tried to convince him not to have it in the parking lot, but to drive down the road a bit and I would be happy to comply.

He said, “if you don't comply son, I will just arrest you on suspicion of drunken driving, speeding and leaving the scene of an accident”. This didn't sound like a great idea so I complied.

He had me walk in a straight line, touch my fingers to my nose and a number of other things while in the parking lot of my my job. All the while I could see more and more people looking out of the window and laughing at me...

I was able to pass the sobriety test while in full view of my new employers. I was able to explain that there was no damage to the truck and the truck driver confirmed this and the fact that he said I could leave. Which left the matter of the speeding ticket.

I was doing 85 mph in a 55. The cop hemmed and hawed over what to do. Then he kind of smirked and said, “Well kid, I probably just cost you your job anyway and fixing your friends car is going to cost at least a few hundred. So I suppose you have learned your lesson.”. Then he got into his car and drove away.

I put my tail between my legs and walked into the office. I was told upon entry that the owner wanted to see me. I was not pleased... I walked into his office and he looked pissed. He asked me to close the door and I did. Then I took a seat and waited to be fired.

Instead he asked, “what the hell just happened out there?”

So I told him the whole story, every single detail. He started to loose the pissed off face. Then he started to smile. Then (when I got to the part about being pulled over) he started to laugh. By the time I had gotten to the end and told him that I was let off with a warning he was laughing really hard.

He laughed for a bit and then said, “so, I take it you REALLY wanted to be on time?”... He wound up making me the supervisor of the largest mall in Wisconsin because he thought I really showed “initiative”.

I was just happy to still have a job -

But being the supervisor of Southridge Mall led to several other funny stories... Which I should cover some day...